David and Chris, having been together just five months, got themselves married in a treehouse today.

We were going to do it down by the water at the famous and beloved Oakledge Park, but while the sun was out, the gale force winds blowing off the lake made the idea of a quiet little ceremony almost impossible.

Fortunately, there is a magical octagonal treehouse at one end of the park which was blissfully out of the blustery breeze.

Now, at this point, it’s time for True Confessions.  I am, as all who know me will attest, a wildly creative individual.  And this makes the writing and performing of wedding ceremonies a deeply inventive and joyous experience.

Unfortunately, I also have a mind like a sieve, and cannot remember simple facts to save my life.  In particular, I have, as my yoga students will attest, a rough time remembering names.  I’m good at remembering to ask peoples’ names, I just always forget to remember them.  And even when I think I know them, I often don’t trust myself at first, and will often avoid using someone’s name for fear of embarrassing myself.

In a heterosexual wedding ceremony, this isn’t a problem, because I have the couples’ names written right in front of me, and I can fairly easily figure out who’s Jane and who’s John.  But with a same-sex couple, I have to be very, very conscious about coming up with little mnemonics so that I don’t lose track of identities.

Today, though, I was a little distracted by the wind, and the fact that my friend Jennifer Kiewit, who I hadn’t seen in a while, was taking pictures.  And I completely forgot who was Dave and who was Chris.

But I didn’t realize I forgot until we were already well into the ceremony.  Not an elegant time to stop and re-do the introductions.  On the outside, I was reading a sweet and moving treatise on love.  On the inside, I was thinking, “Crappity crap crap crap!”

Then, I realized I had an escape hatch.  There’s a section in the ceremony where I address each guy directly – as in:

Chris, only you have the power to marry this man – your best friend and partner, who stands beside you.  Do you now wish to have David as your husband, knowing him as you do?

So I figured I could just make it a little more formal.  Looking at the wedding text, so as not to give away the fact that I didn’t know to whom I was speaking, I said:

Chris.  Please step forward.

And he did.  Problem solved.

I’m not proud of this.  Really, I’m not.  And as these charming guys exchanged vows, I vowed to myself not to let this happen again.  But I will say that there are times when having a background in theater and improv can come in very, very handy…

P.S. Chris completely cracked me up before the ceremony when he said, “I never thought I’d get married.  Two guys getting married?  That’s just so gay!”

"Thank you for the most wonderful wedding ceremony. We enjoyed every second."

Valeska and Addis flew up from Florida for a last minute Vermont Elopement.  They told me that they’d known each other for years, but that suddenly, something “happened.”  They both never expected to find themselves this happy, this in love.  They told me they felt that God had brought them together, and made their lives complete.

We had a lovely ceremony over at Oakledge Park, my favorite spot for insta-magic.  There were lots of midsummer picnickers around, but we found a quiet little spot just as the sun was setting, performed the ceremony, and then managed to get this shot without either of them falling backwards into the water.

I left them there for a little post-ceremony snorgling, and stopped off at a picnic shelter to use the restroom before heading home.  There was a family reunion taking place at the shelter, and just as I approached, a little boy, maybe 2 or 3, peeled off from the party, walked up to me, and said, “Do you have to go potty?”

“Yes,” I said.  “I do.”

“It’s here!” he said, and escorted me into the bathroom.  We stopped at the one working stall, which he indicated with a courtly flourish.

After I did my biz, he walked me over to the sink, and though he could barely reeeeaaaaach, he turned on the water so that I could wash my hands.

We walked out of the bathroom, I thanked him profusely, he gave a little bow, and returned to the festivities.

Sometimes the Oakledge Magic is just in the ceremony, but really, it’s all over the place.

While I am hardly one to mock the hand that feeds me, I must admit a rather deep fondness for Wedinator – the witty website of wild wedding wackiness.

Entries run from the absurd, gross, and poorly spelled:

What happens when the hair on his back grows back?

to the techno-courante:

I hope the tweeters are aware enough of their surroundings not to fall in the pool.

to the deeply cautionary:

Note to self: Watch out for lurking chickens.

But I think my favorite of late is an invitation which will appeal to a certain beloved segment of my wedding clientele:

Destroy that sanctity gals!  And best of luck to you both.

Alexia and Jessica just moved to Vermont from San Francisco with their son Jake.

Their plan for the wedding was to do it at one of my favorite ceremony spots, Oakledge Park.  Unfortunately, June has been a rather moist month and the weather was most definitely not cooperating with us.

So, I suggested heading downtown to the Firehouse Gallery.  I knew it would be open on a Saturday afternoon, and since they often rent out the space for weddings, I didn’t think they’d mind if the four of us stood in a corner and recited a few vows.

I showed up a few minutes early to check in with their staff, and it turned out that they were about to start setting up for an evening event.  But they said that they had a display of Bonsai trees in an upstairs studio, and that the guy running the display would probably be ok with us doing it there.

There were a bunch of Bonsai lovers checking out the minute-yet-elegant trees, including my friends Ken and Sue Wade.  But the Bonsai Guy (whose name I sadly forget) was totally amenable to an impromptu ceremony.

So I brought Jess, Alex, and Jake upstairs, we took over a little corner, and while Sue snapped pix, we got these gals all hitched up.

Hopefully their marriage will be as beautiful and long-lasting as a Bonsai, just not quite so teeny!

Jerry and Ken had their wedding up at the beautiful Black Bear Inn in Bolton this afternoon.

Around 4pm, about 10 of their family and friends gathered in the woods next to an altar and waited for the guys to cross the little wooden bridge to the clearing.

Just as they came to stand in front of me, and I took a deep breath to begin the ceremony, one of the guys in the wedding party stepped up and, seemingly, put his hand on my chest in a rather…intimate way.

Turns out he was just clearing away a big bug, but I told the assembled that I’d never been hit on at the altar before.

It was probably a good thing he intervened.  You can see that this was a rather form fitting dress and if a big bug had crawled down there…well…all I can say is that Ken and Jerry didn’t pay for a naked, thrashing Officiant.  Hardly spiritual or religious.  Unless maybe I was a Pentecostal.

photos by Jennifer Kiewit

Jack and Mick got married at Oakledge Park the other day.  It’s such a wonderful spot to do ceremonies, as it’s less than 10 minutes from downtown Burlington, and just effortlessly beautiful.

Jack set up a video camera to record the ceremony, and then, with the heart of an auteur, switched the camera angle and asked me to repeat the vow section so that he’d have more footage to work with when he edited the film together.

They each pulled off their rings , and we started over.  But then just as Mick was finishing his vows – no less beautiful, meaningful, and tear-inducing than the first time – a big bug flew down my shirt.  A really big bug.  There was no faking ceremony then.  I absolutely had to shake myself out.

This resulted in what British actors call “corpsing.”   Uncontrollable giggles which bring a scene to a complete and crashing halt.

I bet not many wedding videos have out-takes.  But Jack now has plenty of material!

Losing it for the camera.