I just got an email from a woman named Jillian who is recently engaged. While she’s thrilled about getting married, she’s leery of all the stress which comes with wedding planning and event execution.
She’s been doing some research to avoid all the…my favorite word to describe this is the Yiddish word tsuris, which means woe or aggravation. In the process, she stumbled across my website, and wrote to mention how much she liked the Resources page, and to suggest a link about managing stress that she found helpful.
She also asked if I had any tips for her “regarding weddings and all of the emotions that come with it.” Of course, after 400+ ceremonies, I certainly do, and this is what I shared with her:
Great to hear from you! So glad the site is helpful! Thanks for the link. Those are great tips – though honestly, I think eloping to avoid all the stress is a totally legit option. It also saves a lot of money that could be used for something else.
Honestly, the most important thing I can tell you is: Don’t get hung up on all the cultural baggage/traditions around weddings. You don’t have to do any of that. You don’t have to provide gifts for all the guests or matching jewelry for the bridal party or fancy signs in cursive saying whatever.
I’ve done weddings that cost a gajillon dollars, weddings that were potlucks in parks, and weddings where the couple eloped at the last minute. All lovely, all deeply meaningful. Just do what’s important to you.
The bottom line is that you’re marrying someone you really love and want to build a life with, and that’s awesome. The rest – ALL the rest – is cake frosting.
The second most important thing is: Feel all the feels. All the excitement, stress, joy, doubt, optimism, fear, curiosity, anticipation… it’s all totally valid. Feel it. Share it. Accept it. Then let it go or take action, depending on what you need.
Finally: Don’t expect any relationship issues you two have to get resolved just because you’re married. They won’t. Work on your stuff now, and work on it for as long as the issues remain. But hopefully, your attitude is that you’re on the same team, so you can work on everything together, in collaboration.
Let me know if you need anything else – including premarital counseling. Always happy to help!
Good luck – and congratulations!