We loved our ceremony and we love you!!! We were so right to choose you for this special event!!

Now in this photo, it might look like I have the pleasure of being sandwiched between two very hot guys.  But actually, I’m sandwiched between one hot guy who just happens to be split into two people.

Meet Mikey and Kian, who were considerate enough to come to Vermont to get married in my living room.

Apparently, they have such an enormous number of coincidental traits (birth time, Western and Chinese astrological signs, numerological numbers, preference for an obscure brand of silky Lithuanian underwear) that they’ve come to the conclusion that they’re basically the same person.

What they didn’t realize was that actually, Mikey and I are pretty much the same person.  And yes, I know, he’s a big, hunky, gay, bald guy.  So that’s a little distracting.  But don’t get sidetracked by the details.

When it came time for their ceremony, Mikey whipped out his iPad and started playing the song If by David Gates and Bread.  You know: If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can’t I paint you…

It stopped me in my tracks the way a very large object dropped on your head from a very great height would also prevent any further forward perambulation. It also hit me with a serious heart-throbby flashback.

When I was in junior high, I LOVED this song with a devoted passion only found in terminally romantic 13 year-old girls.  Not only that, but it was one of the few pieces (apart from Für Elise and Chopsticks) that I learned to play on the piano.  As you might imagine, I played it A LOT.  And, like a lovelorn lounge singer, always dedicated it to Dave LeDoux – the 6’2″ 9th grader who stole my 4’9″ 7th grade heart.

Years do pass, though, and from the moment I went to high school, both Dave and the song completely vanished from my life and mind.  While much of the music from the 80s has regurgitated itself into popular culture – thanks in part to the adorable presence of Martha Quinn on the Sirius Satellite Network – I’d never heard the plaintive tones of Mr. Gates and his theramin-scented musical confection anywhere.  Ever.  Much less given Dave LeDoux any further mental real estate.

Until Mikey and his iPad walked into my life.

While this might sound strange for someone who makes her living performing weddings, I’m not normally a terribly sentimental person, and certainly not nostalgic.  But in an instant, there I was, back at Cedar Park Junior High.

It’s the night of the Fall Dance, and due to our massive height difference, Dave LeDoux has gotten down on his knees to slow dance with me to If.

It was a heroically romantic (albeit physically painful) gesture, which as you might imagine, set the bar a little high for any other hormonally poisoned adolescent males I happened to encounter at the time.  Not to mention any other hormonally poisoned regular males I’ve encountered since.

I know now that while Dave’s knees recovered pretty quickly, my heart, apparently, never did.

This one’s for you Dave – wherever you are!