Adventures in Literalism

Debbie and Steve - They look like a cute matched set, don't they?

I got a call this morning from Jackie, who’s the business manager for my chiropractor.  She said her best friend Debbie was ready to get married and wanted to do it now.  Today. Immediately.

I said that I was going to be home until 4:30, and that if Debbie could get herself and her guy (whose named turned out to be Steve) to my house by 4, I’d be happy to marry them.

I had no idea if they were going to go through with it, but right around 2, a car came up the driveway and out stepped Jackie, Steve, Debbie, and Debbie’s daughter Brittany.

It was a pretty straightforward ceremony, right up until the part with the rings.  I think Steve must have been a little nervous because when I said, “Steve, please offer Debbie your ring,” he just handed it to her.  Like you’d give someone your car keys.

So much for fancy, ceremonial language.  I had to say, “No.  Put it on her finger.”

Fortunately the rest of the wedding passed without incident, Steve and Debbie made it to the kissing part at the end, and Brittany absconded with the fancy floral file folder I’d given them to hold the ceremony text (I always give the couple a nice printout to keep).

It was the first time anyone had ever done that, but not so different from when I start feeding people their vows line by line, and they (it’s usually the groom) repeat them looking at me instead of their Affianced Love.  I always have to say, “No.  Look at HER.”

Funny – that one has happened so many times you might think I’m married to a whole bunch of guys!

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